And so it begins...

[Tsunami the Silver Dragon]

.hack//FORGOTTEN MEMORIES

Prologue

A young 17-year old boy named Tsunami looked around his art class. "*Sigh* This is so boring. I wish something would happen. Ever since I finished those .hack games nothing has been very interesting." Tsunami was shuffling some of the papers of art he had while he was thinking not at all paying attention to what the teacher had to say. "I sure wish I could go to their world. To the land of twilight. I would love to be with Mia. She has to be her. I just know it. She has to be my...dearest."
Tsunami's past was one of happiness in the beginnig but something happened that would change his life for all eternity. It all started when Tsunami was just a boy of seven. Back then he was just another one of the 'mindless masses', as he put it, with a big heart. Until one day when his whole 'thought of perfect' life hit a snag. She appeared to help him through a hard time. She was Julia and she entranced Tsunami. To Tsunami she was the only one on the whole world who was really alive. He was totally in love with her.
Tsunami thought back, he could remember her so well. She was a beautiful girl who was just two years older than Tsunami. She had a pure heart and was so kind. To Tsunami, she was his golden haired angel. He was so happy whenever she was around.
But then, his happiness ended so quickly that it felt that he was condemned to the depths of hell for no reason at all. A boy appeared who seemed like a demon. This boy tried to kill Tsunami every single day but all so every single time Julia would stop the demon child. Just when Tsunami thought it was not so bad he found out that he was wrong, dead wrong. Tsunami had to endure even more sadness because his parents said they had to leave California, the place where Tsunami was born and the place where Julia was. Tsunami did not know the reason but knew that he might never see his golden haired angel again. Tsunami knew that he was not to blame but if he had only been stronger than maybe...maybe things would have been different.
With that Tsunami and his parents left to find a better place to live. Tsunami was always silent and alone after that and was still constantly made fun of for his innocence. But it was then that everything changed. In his third level of human education (3rd grade of school) in a place called Wisconsin he encountered a boy who was very tall and very obese. This boy attacked Tsunami for reasons that were completely obscure to Tsunami but he suspected that it was because it was just another way of them making fun of him. At the current rate of speed that the boy was running at Tsunami knew that the damage that would be inflicted might be fatal. But then something happened that would later aid in Tsunami's search for his beloved. He put his arms up in a 'x' block and was suddenly being overwhelmed by energy and it felt like there was a giant shell of light that was protecting him. The next thing that Tsunami knew the boy that was charging at him was lying on the ground unconscious but still alive with hardly any damage done to either of the two. The power was something that he could not draw out or even control. It was just a matter of days later that he joined in a martial arts school. He could no longer be called innocent. But still, he longed to be with her again. He made a vow that he would one day search the world over for her. He did not know her last name but had her face memorized and could feel the energy that only she could emit. The pure, peaceful kind of energy that an angel would have.
However, Tsunami would soon learn that he was not so alone in this world. He met really great friends that also helped him in his search for Julia. At first, Tsunami was against the idea but his friends said that if he would not let him travel with him then they would follow him. This made Tsunami happy that he had someone he could trust. Tsunami really enjoyed having his friends around though he did not know it at first but they were like him. His first friend that he met was someone that would become almost like a brother, Pyro. He was a really good friend and eventually became very powerful in the art of flame thanks to Tsunami and his other friend Tempest. Tempest was a Wiccan and very good at her work but like all rumors the one of Tempest being connected to the Darkness was completely false. In fact, she was fighting for the world trying to make sure that it not become attacked by demons and the like. At first, EVEN Tsunami was a little bit skeptical until he met one in a VERY dark alley. After that Tsunami started training in other forms of power other than martial arts but for some reason did not let Tempest teach him. All he said was "Even though I don't believe that it is the source of the demon king's power, I would prefer to fight with my own power." After that Tsunami went into constant work and started trying to find the source of his own power and even though he did not find it he was able to find all of it he was able to control 1/1000000000000 of it, though he did not realize how powerful he was until a lot later. But what he did find out was that he was not human. Of course, Tsunami expected this but did not expect to be a...dragon. However, as he grew older he found that his personality of a basic person with a dragon soul were the exact same thing if not a little greater. He eventually found out the truth about his ancestors and their history and as a result found that the myth of dragons being evil, monstrous beasts was just that a myth. In fact, Tsunami joked about how it sounded more like a human than anything else. His last friend, Terra preferred to stick to his strength and Tsunami respected his decision. Tsunami trusted each of them with his life but even though he had such friends he was still lamenting over not being able to see Julia and still thought of it as hell to be without her.
Tsunami was slapped back to attention as a flying glass jar hit a wall. "Here we go. Another corrupted human doing something totally retarded." The scene was a familiar one for that day and age. It was the usual; a kid could not take the pressure of high school and had a knife to the neck of a teacher. Tsunami was not fond of the thought of death and decided he did not like how this was going so he stepped forward to change it. "Hey!" Tsunami yelled at the kid who was making gestures of both killing his victim and running for the door. "What do you think you're doing!? I mean come on, how stupid are you!?" The kid was thrown off because Tsunami was suspected to be the last one to ever take a stand. He was now almost a different person. "SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP!" The boy yelled. Tsunami stared the boy in the eyes and said, "How far do you think you'll get?" The boy was getting more and more hotheaded. "I...I SAID SHUT UP! I...I'LL KILL YOU!" Tsunami was suspecting the boy to be all talk but if necessary he would make his move. "Oh really? Then try." Tsunami said without a care about whether the boy would back up his threat or not. The boy hesitated at first but then charged at Tsunami throwing his victim aside. "Fool." Tsunami muttered under his breath as he dodged the stab and hit hard for the boy's solar plexus. The boy moaned and fell over with the blade dropping next to him. With a light chuckle, Tsunami picked up the blade and handed it to a near by teacher saying, "I didn't think he would actually be so insane. Well, sorry about the mess." The whole art class was now staring at Tsunami completely shocked by what had just happened. The staring was starting to get on Tsunami's nerves. "What?" But no one answered they just continued staring but luckily the bell for the next class rang. Tsunami waited till everyone was out of the class and asked if he could help clean up the mess but the teacher said that it was alright and to go ahead to lunch.
The rumors started to get really insane as they always did in that school. The whole school made it sound as if he was some one-person army. "I don't think that it is any big deal. I didn't even try. Well, that's a human for you. Always making a big deal out of everything." Tsunami said as he sat at the table that he had always sat at. He waited for his friends to come to his table and was annoyed that people were still looking at him with shocked faces. Eventually, his friends Tempest and Terra came over to his table.
Tsunami leaned his chair back on a tilt. "Hey, what took you?" Tsunami asked as they sat down. "Well, we were just listening to the latest rumor." Tempest said. "Oh, that. Heh, don't worry about it." "But how in the world did you end up fighting ten, 7 foot, kids with rocket launchers?" Terra asked. Tsunami fell out of his chair and down to the floor. "Say what!? Oh, come on! This is INSANE, even for this school! What are they, bored or something!?" Tsunami said standing up and sitting back in his chair again, this time making sure not to have it on a tilt. "Well, then how did it happen?" Terra asked. Tsunami explained the event, which took close to about and hour because some of the other students would not leave him alone.
"OH! Now it makes sense. That sounds like you always helping people out in severe times of need but for all the rest staying quiet in the back round." Tempest said still a little amused none the less. "Okay, the story is done. Can we please enjoy lunch?" Tsunami asked but then, unsurprisingly, the bell for the end of lunch rang. Tsunami gave a sigh and said, "I hate this school."
* * *
At long last school was over. Tsunami had the weekend to relax before he had to hear how badly the rumors were going to be. He was half a block from his house when he heard a familiar voice. "Well it's about time!" Pyro said running over to Tsunami. "Oh, hey Pyro. What's up?" "Nothin' much. Just boring old school...like usual." "Heh, just as bad as me. Well, nothing to do but hang around."
Tsunami and Pyro were taking the back entrance of Tsunami's house because the front door had to many locks to mess with. But it was in the back yard that it happened. Tsunami was almost in a trance like state. He did not know what was going on and his consciousness was in total darkness but his body was still acting but its own accord. At the time, Pyro didn't even notice what was going on with Tsunami but was paying attention to the sky as it had turned from a normal clear day to a completely black one. "HOLY CRAP!!! WHAT THE HELL HAPPPENED!?!" Pyro yelled. Tsunami had started to walk over to the center of the yard and just as Pyro noticed him the wind had begun to pick up to around 70 MPH. "UGH! TSUNAMI WHERE ARE YOU GOING!?" Pyro yelled to Tsunami who was walking as if there was no wind. "A...voice...I...can...hear...you..." Tsunami said as a voice began to echo over the sky. "Tsunami, the time has come. Are you ready to come back to me?" The voice said. "A voice!? WHO'S THERE!?" Pyro yelled. But his attention was redirected to the sky as it opened up in the form of the Twilight Cross. Tsunami put his hand up into the sky and the same symbol appeared on his hand. "WHAT THE!? THAT'S SKEITH'S WAND!!!" Pyro yelled and turned his attention back to Tsunami. "Please...let...me...return...to...you...my...dearest...." Tsunami said and the symbol in the sky shined and a light appeared on Tsunami. The light began to recede taking it with him. "WAIT!!! TSUNAMI!!!" Pyro yelled but it was too late. The beam of light went back into the sky and took Tsunami with it.

[Duskino]

Okay, I just skimmed through it, got a general idea of what's going on...

First of all... this has really next to nothing about .hack ...

But anyway.

You're also bunching too much into each paragraph. Each line of dialouge needs its own paragraph. Each different main idea of the paragraph needs its own paragraph. Yadda, yadda, ya know the drill.

You also use "Tsunami" way too much. Use "he" and "him" also... It gets way too repetitive. Or any other name.

Using phrases like "1/1000000" and "70 MPH" isn't exactly appropriate for a story. Write out "one out of a thousand" or "seventy miles an hour".

I'll stop trying to butcher your story now ~.~;

[Tsunami the Silver Dragon]

No, I need critics so I can figure out what my faults are. Anyway, as to not being much for .hack itself this IS only a prologue. The first chapter will be where ALL about .hack. As for bunching up my paragraphs, well when you type something for about an hour one day and half the house goes out taking the internet with it and then finally get the story up after taking another hour your wrist should feel like it is falling off. Besides there is still the edit for later perfection.

[Elk]

I critic.
Tsunami = Mary sue.
Mary sue = bad.
When you say ".hack games" don't you mean "The World?"

[Duskino]

Tsunami = Mary sue.
Mary sue = bad.

Agreed.

Mary sue makes a story boring. I would also like to note that your characters need a lot more description and biography behind them. With faults, I might add. I would also like to note that the whole "person being a dragon" thing is a bit... *cough* Clichéd. And it helps in the Mary Sue department.

I know you like Mia a lot and stuff, but isn't this... a little too obsessed?

[Atla]

Tsunami = Mary sue.
Mary sue = bad.

Puchuu~ I also agree with of the critiquing here. Gratuitous self-inserts are always the worst. Though, its a hard thing not to do sometimes.
*Gets a rock pelt at her for every Mary Sue she has spawned.*

Anyway, there is one thing I do have to say about the writing form. It's better to enter a new line brake when dialouge of some type is happening. It gets confusing sometimes and it is hard to tell what is exactly going on, or who is saying what.

[thedudewhosadude]

As you wished for this to be a perfect story, i will review it on a perfect level. Time to enter lit. teacher mode! From: Tsunami was shuffling some of the papers of art he had while he was thinking not at all paying attention to what the teacher had to say. To: Tsunami was shuffling some papers of art he had while he was thinking; not at all paying attention to what the teacher had to say. It sounds a bit 'wordy' the other way.
Next, there's just a spelling error on beginning. There should be a comma after the beginning, so it reads "...beginning, but something..." No comma after mindless masses needed. Maybe "As Tsunami thought..." Add a comma so it reads "...single day, but all..." Also, maybe it should read, "...but every time Julia..." Add a comma so the sentence reads "With that, Tsunami and..." "In his third level of human education, (3rd grade of school) in a place called Wisconsin, he encountered a boy who was very tall obese"
Note from here on, it's mainly puntuation. "...obscure to Tsunami, but he suspected..." “…running at, Tsunami knew…� “…by energy. It felt like…� “…the boy was lying…� “This power was…� “…idea, but his friends…� “…Tsunami happy to know that he had someone…� “…her work, but like all rumors, the one…� “…the world, trying to make sure that it would not become…� “At first, even Tsunami was a little bit skeptical until he met her one day in a very dark alley.� “After that Tsunami went into constant work and started trying to find the source of his own power and even though he did not find it he was able to find all of it he was able to control 1/1000000000000 of it, though he did not realize how powerful he was until a lot later.�—Run on sentence “…to be a dragon.� “He eventually found out the truth about his ancestors and their history. As a result, he found that the myth of dragons being evil, monstrous beasts was just that, a myth.�
For the whole fight scene and the scene with just Tsunami and Pyro, make sure you make a new paragraph when the person who’s speaking changes. “…total darkness, but his body was…� There’s no need for caps. To express Pyro’s screaming. Once again, new paragraph per speaker, even if it is just a voice. [/teacher mode]
Ah, anyway, the story as a whole, goes by too quickly. I know this is just the beginning, but slow down a bit! Also, your characters developed way too quick. Tsunami’s personality has changed 180 degrees! He used to be all nice and kind, but when he discovered he was a dragon he suddenly took on an omnipotent guise. He called human’s ignorant, fools, etc, while just a little while ago we was one. Also, he seemed to just become another Freeza, with all the ‘foolish humans.’ As a final note, the ending of this part reminds me too much of Armageddon AI (the whole hand symbol thing) As others have said before, pronouns are your friend! Use them! Also, don’t forget your commas. It also doesn’t seem very .hack orientated, but I imagine it will develop into a .hack story as it progresses, assuming that Tsunami went to “The World� All the above are just suggestions, and good luck with the next part!

[Duskino]

And since we're talking about writing here...

dude. Paragraphs. PLEASE.

[thedudewhosadude]

me? It's just a bunch of grammatical corrections.

[Duskino]

Well, if you're going to critique someone else's grammar, at least follow your own rules and use different paragraphs.

It doesn't help when everything is all bunched up like that -_-;

And yes, I am very grammar picky.

[thedudewhosadude]

same here; i just realized that the fourms don't allow indents! Eeevilll....

[Tsunami the Silver Dragon]

Actually, I had mine so that it did not look so bad but for some reason it just changed to that which you now see. Like I said before, I wanted to get the story up ahead of time because, as I found out today, we have a very serious problem with the wiring so I did not want all the info I had previously typed to crash with the computer a second time. Anyway, I will try to put a bit more information in there about all the things you might be confused on. At least the thing is up.

P.S. To note on my past, not sure if anyone would actually believe it or not, about when I was seven. It actually happened, all of it, I can even remember the police getting involved because of that kid.
I will try to get more info in as soon as possible. Oh, one more thing, the whole hating humans thing is just something that I say if people start really make me mad. I do not actually think like that. Just to let everyone know.

OH! Now that I think about it I should probably ask this question. I was planning on saying which music matched what seen from various .hack soundtracks. But I am having second thoughts on it because I feel that, maybe, some people would prefer to find their own. Unless everyone here says otherwise I will not add it.

[Elk]

P.S. To note on my past, not sure if anyone would actually believe it or not, about when I was seven. It actually happened, all of it, I can even remember the police getting involved because of that kid.

Children are just violent, if you hadn't noticed.

I will try to get more info in as soon as possible.

Don't bother, I'm sure we all don't really care.

Oh, one more thing, the whole hating humans thing is just something that I say if people start really make me mad. I do not actually think like that. Just to let everyone know.

Is it just me, or are you trying to idolize Tsukasa? -_-

[Takum]

yup seems like it

[MeultimaSama]

*Nails plank across ECF's forehead, which reads-*

ABANDON HOPE, ALL YE WHO SUBMIT SUB-PAR STUFF HERE!

That way you don't need to open your yap so much. I'm being nice, mind. You waste less energy this way.