.hack//bourdaries

thedudewhosadude · Post by **thedudewhosadude** » Sun Sep 14, 2003 2:39 am

well, fan-fic's seem to be the new trend around here, so i decided to start my own! http://www.angelfire.com/weird2/boundries (yes, i know the web address is spelled wrong) I will try to add a new chapter every week! And Btw, -------------=new paragraph.

Pin · Post by **Pin** » Mon Sep 15, 2003 12:33 am

thedudewhosadude wrote:well, fan-fic's seem to be the new trend around here, so i decided to start my own! http://www.angelfire.com/weird2/boundries (yes, i know the web address is spelled wrong) I will try to add a new chapter every week! And Btw, -------------=new paragraph.

<br> = paragraph.

thedudewhosadude · Post by **thedudewhosadude** » Mon Sep 15, 2003 12:38 am

ok, gimmie a sec, and i'll fix that.

EDIT: Thanks a lot pin! It's just that this is my first time using Angelfire, and i usually don't post stuff on the web. Please send in feedback so i can make this better, and so i know that i'm not just typing to myself.

Pin · Post by **Pin** » Mon Sep 15, 2003 1:11 am

thedudewhosadude wrote:ok, gimmie a sec, and i'll fix that.

EDIT: Thanks a lot pin! It's just that this is my first time using Angelfire, and i usually don't post stuff on the web. Please send in feedback so i can make this better, and so i know that i'm not just typing to myself.

Well, first take a look at the thread I wrote on fanfics earlier. I see several instances of more than one character talking in the same paragraph.

The narrators being switched around is really awkward. It's not convincing at all, even after the little footnote you added. Footnotes like that shouldnt' be necessary.

And I have to admit that reading a recap of Skeith getting his ass whupped was dull.

thedudewhosadude · Post by **thedudewhosadude** » Mon Sep 15, 2003 1:17 am

::takes down notes:: 1. 1 paragraph per speaker in first-person. 2. Create better transition from nar to nar. 3. Try not to repeat games as much; new things should make it better. 'Tis all? I would also appreciate it if others would post criticism like pin does: harsh but to the point. Called constructive criticism. If that is all, i will start chapter two.

EDIT: new idea. I will make each chapter from just one person's point of view. Chapter two will be ready either tonight or on friday.

EDIT2: Yup, chapter two's up, from John's mother's point of view. Same site, same time. Chapter three will be started once chapter two is thoroughly analyzed.

EDIT3: Uh...yeah....no one seems to be looking at this, so i won't update this post anymore. However, i will post again about .hack//boundaries once the book is finished.

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