.crack//SPINE!

[MaifunNoodle]

ya im in the story!! ALL HAIL!! (that maybe good.......or bad...) anyhoo, i like this chapter as well. keep it up!

[En der]

You have a fanfic here, Dude?

Anyways YamiJared, I love it! But the thing with the cat... getting pretty old -.- It'd be really funny with a lot of spoofs in there (ok, maybe not a lot, probably a few) But this is my opinion, do whatever you want with your stories ^_^

[YamiJared]

myeah, I'm still waiting for people to give love to my other story, and I would come up with a better gag than the Maha thing, hmm...anyway, moving on to...

Chapter 4: STUFF! (mmkay, i can't remember, what did you want a title gag every day?)

*mmkay, it's some kind of town or something, and these retards walk by*
Tweedle Dee: new skill?
Tweedle Dum: yea, you carry around a monster and kills your enemies
Tweedle Dee: never heard of it
Mimiru: *pops a bloodvessel* maybe because it ISN'T A NEW SKILL U STUPID N00BS!

*mmkay, skip to Mac Anu, Ginkan, Subaru, and Bear are there, don't worry about Ginkan, he doesn't do crap this chapter*
Subaru: I...looked at the logs, if they're right, he's been on for 10 days
Bear: dude, hardcore gamer, yo!
Subaru: don't do that
Bear: sorry T.T
Subaru: I have a feeling we won't get any answers on the net

*Aura's Domain is looking like crap, Aura's all, pinkish and stuff*
Tsukasa: dude, what'll happen when you wake up?
???: Tsukasa, she can't hear you, she's asleep you fagtard!
Tsukasa: wow, that was a bad attempt to make a new insult
???: sorry, it kinda happens when all you think about are erm...
Tsukasa: yea, let's not go there
???: anyway, something wonderful awaits...You and I, and this Girl, together we will live in a world free of harm or discomfort, devoid of pain, a world of laughter and smiles
Tsukasa: dude, that's bullcrap
???: Tsukasa? why do you say such a thing?
Tsukasa: well, who are you? your a freaking voice!
???: the reason I cannot show you who I am...*trippy flashback* I am your Mother!
Tsukasa: BUM BUM BUM!

*Dun Deiorlang, argh, someone teach me the proper spelling*
BT: Hi
Mimiru: Yo
BT: Bear's not coming, he um, got mauled by a bear
Mimiru: ROFL IRONY PWN3D!
BT: OMFG TEH RUMORS KYE FO TEH TWIGHLITE!
*Bong Music as we go to the mushroom field and Sora appears*
Sora: BOOYAH! I GOT OUT OF THE WELL!
BT: damn...
Mimiru: god, your both retarded!
BT: d00d, maybe Tsukasa has TEH KYE FO TEH TWIGHLITE!
*Bong Music*
Everyone: WOAH!
Sora: nah, I doubt it, otherwise he'd be God or something
BT: I'm out homies *warps*
Mimiru: ACK! @-@

*Mac Anu with Subaru and Ginkan, do they ever leave this place?*
Ginkan: I can't believe you tried asking an NPC for info on Tsukasa, he isn't a freaking quest!
Subaru: STFU n00b, we can't do shit againest Tsukasa, he has free reign, not even the Admins can ban him
Ginkan: dude, let's like, kill him or something, I could use one of my hax to give him one life only
Subaru: D00D OMFG U DO HAEV HAX! HAX!
Ginkan: O.O *logs out*
Sora: *jumps in* Yo! let's talk about Tsukasa
Subaru: dude, the Sys. Admin can just ban him
Sora: WTF OMFG HYPOCRITE U JUST SAED THEY CANT!
Subaru: *goes GIFT mode and kills Sora, disposes of body*
Dudewhosadude: *Walks on in Sora drag* dude, he still has the Guardian, power trip, yo! catch him *gives Subaru a pokeball*
Subaru: *throws it in the river* EW! WE BOTH TOUCHED IT!
Dude: EW NASTY! anyway, put up wanted posters and offer a reward, we can make it into a quest
Subaru: nah, that would require effort and actually like, being nice and giving people money, that's like, helping the needy *shudders* >.<
Dude: ew, your right, then we'd have to rub the corns of old people >.<

*trippy real world scene, we see some guy smoking pot, then leaves, probably Bear or something trying to be cool*

*commercial*
Dude: YO! have you seen this man? *shows Tsukasa* well if you have, call 1-800-CAPINHISASS and report what you've seen, then we'll give you cash! *holds up money* WOO! c'mon, be a sell-out! betray your friends for virtual money! you know you want to...*hypnosis!* you must capture Tsukasa....
*commercial ends*

*some forest with Bear and Mimiru*
Mimiru: dude, what was up? you totally bailed!
Bear: dude, chill out, homie, I was mauled by a bear!
Mimiru: yea right, you were probably smoking pot in the rain, and don't say that, you old fart
Bear: let's go to the dungeon *to dungeon with monster* oh, I think I know where Tsukasa is IRL *portal opens and big ass monster comes out*
Mimiru: what did you see?
Bear: I saw, almost dead people, they wander around in the World, like you and me, but the scary thing is, they don't even know that they're trapped!
*BUM BUM BUM*
EVERYONE(including monster): WOAH!

*Mac Anu with an NPC and Subaru, NPC walks off and Ginkan comes back in*
Ginkan: Subaru-Sama how dense are you? NPCs are not real, they cannot help us, you retard
Subaru: shut up Ginkan no one asked you *brandishes axe, Ginkan gets the hint and shuts up*
Subaru: yea, they banned Tsukasa, but nothing happened, they did a forced disconnect, but nothing happened
Ginkan: but that's...*wets himself* um...*logs out*
Subaru: *summons NPC maid* clean that up! *logs out and pukes in a bucket*

*Cathedral with Mimiru and Bear*
Mimiru: dude, this level is fux0red up, just the one tower!
Bear: I know, and no monsters, creepy
*they go inside and Tsukasa's there, like always*
Bear: Yo!
Mimiru: cram it, old man, Tsukasa, sorry about the other day
Tsukasa: it's aiight *summons Guardian* I tamed him!
Bear: WTF? you told me he was a girl the other day
Mimiru: cram it, old man! Tsukasa, are you a chick?
Tsukasa: WTF? O.O no, im a dude, what, are you some kind of 40 year old smelly old man?
Mimiru: no, but he is *points to Bear*
Bear: cram it, dumb broad!
Tsukasa: HOLY SHIT! *warps out!*
Bear: nice going, Mimiru, freaking retard!

*mmkay, some wierd fortess place, Tsukasa is freaked out of his gourd because some 40 year old fart probably tried to rape his comatose body, Tsukasa is ambushed by the Sailor Scouts or something, WTF?*
Sailor Moon: we're going to fight you?
Tsukasa: why?
Sailor Moon: um... >.> screw you kid, let's fight!
Tsukasa: mmkay *summons Guardian*
Guardian: *pwnz these dumb broads*
Tsukasa: mmkay, that's enough
Guardian: *powertripping and continues pwning them*
Tsukasa: COOL! *watches the Sailor Scouts* first the Grunty, now them, I'm a freaking Powerpuff Girl! erm, Superhero! *tries to be manly*

*Mac Anu, with Subaru, Ginkan, and some knight*
Subaru: the Sailor Scouts were all killed? HUZZAH!
Knight: TOTALLY!
Subaru: anyway, he's still playing againest the rules and whatnot, this crap is going off the hizzay, I think we should talk to him, capture Tsukasa and stuff!

*some wasteland, oh wait, it's Aura's Domain, it keeps shifting from night to day, and Aura goes from white to trippy pink and green, Tsukasa warps in*
Tsukasa: WOAH! trippy! *warps back out, he's had enough of this crap for one day*

[MaifunNoodle]

methinks you could add a key or something that helps net-speak illiterate folk...like me...and probably only me (or someone could help me out... ) but anyhoo, i like the new words...like "gourd" and "fagtard" for example...alot of pot influence in this chapter...

[kageko]

I like the stories!! xD They're so funny. >v<

[apostle13]

LOL. I love this, it's soo funneh <3 Good job!

[thedudewhosadude]

Ender: Yes, but the one on here I never finished, and the other one that I didn't release yet is still......frozen, in a way.

Yami: wh00t! Again with the net-talking! I 'roffled' several times while reading this. I just love how the characters will be talking normal (Normal? What the hell am I saying?) and will just change 'types' quickly.

Maifun: Net-speak is easy; chances are you've 'spoken' it yourself! I'll PM you with details.

[Duskino]

Can't say I like script-format, randomness type fanfics too much, but this managed a few chuckles from me.

[YamiJared]

WOO! so many fans! anyway, for 4th of July, I'm writing a special chapter today, it's a bit late, but it was a holiday yesterday, just be glad I'm doing this, aight?

5th of July Special! WOOT!

*Tsukasa, Mimiru, and Bear are travelling through a dungeon modeled after a British warship, NPC British soldiers are everywhere, and American cannon balls keep coming in through the windows, it was a 4th of July event, despite the fact that this is a japanese server and they'll probably get lawsuits in the British server or something, the keywords were Revolutionary Patriotic Independence, the goal was to fight British soldiers, recover the American flag, and get to the Colony Base*
Mimiru: this event is SO STUPID, why are we even doing this?
Bear: I dunno, but CC Corp'll get their ass handed to them in court, like they don't have enough to deal with (coma victims, system crashes, fires etc.)
Tsukasa: I heard the prize was a firework show or something
Mimiru :WTF? fireworks? I was hoping we could get an old-timey rifle
Tsukasa: what good would that do?
Bear: it's a sucky gun, but a projectile weapon would be much more destructive in battle then a stupid sword
Mimiru and Tsukasa: true dat
Bear: word!
Tsukasa: give it up old man
Mimiru: no matter what you do, your not cool
Bear: why not?
Mimiru and Tsukasa: *sweatdrop* 'cause your old!
Tsukasa: *gets an idea* d00d, liek, WTF USE TEH GARDAN! erm, Guardian! *summons Guardian, which pwnz all the enemies in the area, Tsukasa uses his 133t warping skillz to warp the party to the flag, yoink it, then they warp to the base*
ALL: HUZZAH!

*meanwhile, Subaru, BT, and Sora are facing the boss, BENEDICT ARNOLD! DUN DUN DUN!*
Subaru: how do we beat him?
BT: Sora! kill it!
Sora *kills teh boss!*
Subaru and BT: *get the flag, but are then ambushed by Japanese bomber planes*
Subaru: WTF? what are WW2 Japanese airplanes doing here?
BT: I have no idea!
*the Girls dodge the Nazis, BT mumbles something about lawsuits, and Subaru gets an idea*
Subaru: d00d, liek, WTF, let's use a sprit ocarna ROFL!
BT: good idea! *warps them out with Sprite Ocarina*
Sora: *sees his party leaving as he kills the last british loser* hey, wait up! *Skeith appears out of nowhere and stabs Sora in the back with the staff, killing and DDing him*
Skeith: PWN3D!
Subaru and BT: *get to the base* HUZZAH!

*we now go to the Sailor Scouts, who rebooted their characters, they're fighting Benedict Arnold and losing*
Moon: like, OMG, we suck SOOOOO bad
Mercury: are chances of winning are slim to none
Mars: let's just go all out!
Jupiter: I'm with ya there, let's not say good bye, let's just say...
Venus: WE'RE GONNA DIE!
Skeith: *warps in and DD's all the Scouts* BOOYAH!

*dudewhosadude, Ender, apostle13, kageko, and MaifunNoodle are in the dungeon, which is apparently data-bugged from Skeith and the bomber planes*
Dude: what the hell is going on? are those Astronauts?
Ender: I THINK THEY ARE! O.O
Apostle: LOL, I got a map! *leads them to Benedict Arnold*
Noodle: why is Benedict Arnold a giant flesheating robot with fire coming out of it's butt?
kageko: I heard that CC Corp is based in America
ALL: AH!
*Xhacker warps in and starts shooting Arnold and rolling in slow motion, kinda like Neo from the Matrix* BOOYAH! *warps everyone to the base with the flag, all 3 parties meet at the base at the same time, and YamiJared appears*

Jared: congradulations, everyone! you won teh shineh! *fireworks go off as everyone goes all patriotic, even Skeith and Shadow Tsukasa are there, basically everyone who's appeared in the fic except for Ginkan, Aura, and the Sailor Scouts are there, they salute as they start to sing*

ALL: O say can U C? By the Twilight's last light?
What so proudly we hailed, by the Twilight's fast gleaming?
Where Blonde Strips and dull stores thru the perilous fight,
O'er the ramparts we watched were so gallantly streaming?
And the rocket's bread lair, the bombs farting in air,
Gave proof through the night, that our flag wasn't there!
Oh, say does that star spangled banner still wait?
O'er the land of the tree, and the home, of the knaves!

Jared: ok, present time, even though this isn't Christmas ^_^

Tsukasa: WOO! Porno! *runs into the bathroom*

Mimiru: WOO! a politically correct outfit! *puts on barely non-sexist 1800's dress*

Bear: WOO! a skateboard! *tries to use it, but trips and breaks his hip* AH SH!T!
ALL: loser old man >.>

Subaru: WOO! BALMUNG WINGS!
Balmung: T.T
Subaru: LOL SUX 2 B U!

BT: WOO! a BT sandwich! *eats* MMM ^___^

Skeith: WOO! free will! *DD's Morganna* BOOYAH! *dies, since he's Morganna too*
ALL: PWN3D!

Shadow Tsukasa: *has no actual present* WOO! a part in the fic!

Dude: WOO! DUSK volume 3!

Ender: WOO! a ticket out of hell!

Apostle: WOO! macros for Runescape!

kageko: WOO! a Unison DVD!

Noodle: WOO! translated AI BUSTER!
Board Members: AW! NO FAIR!
Noodle: *shares his bounty*
ALL: ^___________^

Xhacker: WOO! a guide to hacking! not that I need it *hides it* >.>

Me: BOOYAH! A TAZOR! *jams it into the moist eye of a random n00b, and watches them get a sever electric shock that makes their eye membrane explode and the body becomes charred* KICKASS! OMFG YES! SH!T YEA! YES! YES! GOD YES! *does it to another n00b* I LOVE THIS THING, WHOEVER GAVE ME THIS, THANK YOU!
EVERYONE: alright, who gave him that?
Elk the Mod: *sheepishly raises hand* um...well...he did give me Elk Cake...even though it was moldy *whispers* and I hate n00bs, so...
ALL: *run like heck*
Elk: what's up with them? *eats cake made of his own flesh >.<* MMM ^_^ yummeh!

[apostle13]

Woah, I didn't really expect to be in this, but It's cool. When I saw my name I was like "O_O;;;;;". It's a good story, I like it

[MaifunNoodle]

neat-o! but "me" would be a "she"...i think the title' s great! the tazor' s an interesting addition and so is the explination of how it works! i likes it!

[YamiJared]

Noodle, I made you a he because your character's a he, like Tsukasa, everyone looks like their avatar so bleh ^_^ mmkay, time for an ACTUAL chapter! WEEEEEEEEEE! ^___^

Chapter 5: Captured (damn pokemon trainers >.>)

*mmkay, a desert place and stuff, some wierdo in red runs off a cliff and stuff, oh, it's Krim, mmkay, anyway, let's go to some dungeon place, Tsukasa should be shitting there, Krim comes up*
Krim: need any help there? I'm just a Longarm passing by, if your in trouble, I'll help you, your problems don't appear to be small ones
Tsukasa: get away from me you freak! *warps out*
Krim: BURN3D!

*after that stupid scene, we go to Dun Loreing, woah, I think I almost spelled it right, Mimiru's standing there like a loser, a random dude walks up*
Dude: Yo, you free? wanna form a party?
Mimiru: no, I'm not! I'm waiting for someone *PKs the loser* BOOYAH!
Bear: *walks in* did you wait longf
Mimiru: I sure did, you stuck me up you stupid old man!
Bear: dude, I broke my hip on that stupid skateboard
Mimiru: shhh! we have enough legal trouble as it is O.O
Bear: dude, this is just a game and stuff
Mimiru: yea, just 4 fun, but there are posters for Tsukasa OMG teh hax!

*Mac Anu, Subaru's there, in a boat with Ginkan, it's not moving, damn patch, get it fixed!*
Subaru: I see, so Tsukasa is in hiding?
Ginkan: yup
Subaru: that butthole better stay in hiding *seizure* woah!
Ginkan: R U OK?
Subaru: yea, I'm going to wander aimlessly in the wilderness with no equipment, mmkay?
Ginkan: aight, have fun

*mmkay, it's night in some wasteland, BT is standing all alone in the dark, and Sora chases her and they run and crap, the Sora headlocks her*
Sora: any last words
BT: d00d I am teh sux0rz!
Sora: BOOYAH! I win *dances*
BT: aight, anyway, I called you here for something else
Sora: y'know, sometimes when they're sellintg candy in a candy store, people don't want teh candeh, teh want teh toys
BT: what the hell does that have to do with anything
Sora: *shrug*
BT: d00d, liek, teh plotting!
Sora: ROFL SUX 2 B U *random plotting as we shift scenes*

*mmkay, it's that stupid throne room, and Subaru's walking in and stuff, then Krim arrives and stuff*
Krim: BOOYAH! I'M BACK, SUCKAS!
Subaru: HUZZAH!

*Aura's Domain, Aura's all pink-yellowy and stuff, and there's thorns everywhere, Tsukasa whacks around at bushes and Maha runs out screaming*
Maha: OW you asshole! I was hiding in that bush! *shakes head*
Tsukasa: are you angry?
Maha: pfft, hell no, it was the Sailor Scouts, nobody likes them!
Tsukasa: but it was the Guardians fault! don't take it away from me
Maha: *wonders if Tsukasa is retarded or something* dude, no, you can keep it, you did a good thing, the Guardian is controlled by your heart, it acted out of everyone's universal hate for the Sailor Scouts, once you start killing them, you just can't stop
Tsukasa: *smiles* I understand now

*commercial*
Maha: have you seen these whores? *holds up picture of Scouts* do you hate them with a passion? do you want to see their big bug eyes be jabbed out with chopsticks? watch as we yank their hair right off their scalp? want to see them be boiled in oil, stripped naked, and suck on a gun? well come to the Sailor Scout Assassination Convention! you even get a blunt object to beat them with! it's completely free, because after all, it IS the Sailor Scouts, remember, when choosing your blunt object, look for the skull sticker, if it doesn't have a skull sticker, then it won't make them suffer enough, accept no limitations ^_^
*commercial end*

*Subaru gates into Mac Anu and Ginkan is waiting like a LOSER*
Subaru: get up, you loser
Ginkan: I wanted to speak with you, Subaru-Sama
Sora: *appears* BOOYAH
Subaru: can you lure him out?
Sora:Yup! wanna hear?
Subaru: no, your not worth my time you LOSER! *walks off with Ginkan on a leash, he enjoys it of course, the freaking dork*

*Dun Lorieng, BT and Mimiru meet up*
Mimiru: Yo!
BT: I thought you should know..Tsukasa isn't the only one with a Guardian, a Swordsman has been seen with it
Mimiru: can the Swordsman log out?
BT: I dunno, but it concerns me, would Tsukasa be interested
Mimiru: hell yea!
BT: the Swordsman is waiting in the same place, as if waiting for someone, maybe...Tsukasa?
Mimiru: what's the field? I'll tell Tsukasa right away
BT: that's...
*In Mac Anu with Ginkan and Sora*
Sora: the info shall travel to him
Ginkan: you have a way to contact him?
Sora: DUH! who doesn't? oh wait, YOU! stupid n00b!
Ginkan: T.T I'm leaving
Sora: SUX 2 B U

*snowy place and stuff, Mimiru and Bear appear there*
Bear: let's wait for Tsukasa and the Swordsman
Mimiru: aight
*Sora and Ginkan are on the roof of a castle*
Ginkan: OMFG TEH PLAN
Sora: TEH PLAN!
Ginkan: TEH PLAN...

*in Mac Anu, Subaru is with Knight minions*
Knight: we gotta stay with you and stuff

*snowy place again, that last scene was pure filler, dude. BT is all standing there, Sora appears*
BT: can we snatch him?
Sora: sure
Mimiru: d00d, the Swordsman isn't here
Bear: probably because he didn't EXIST, dumbass
Mimiru: T.T BT lied?
Bear: no SH!T!
*Tsukasa gates in, he doesn't know it yet, but he's going to be PWN3D, there are Knights everywhere you look, it's like a freaking spider's nest*
Tsukasa: *summons Guardian, this going to be a 133t twinkfest, yo!*
Army: *attack*
Guardian: *pwnz teh army*
Tsukasa: d00d, you guyz sux0r, capture me already, you losers!
Subaru what's the meaning of this bullcrap?
Krim: *rides in on a badass grunty*
Guardian: *attacks Krim*
Krim: *dodges*
Guardian: *falls or something, WTF?*
Tsukasa: *gets pwn3d, WTF? why can't he just pwn Krim like he did to Ginkan? atleast Krim isn't using hax!*
Knights: *warp out with Tsukasa as a prisoner*
Guardian: *dissapears, WTF? atleast kill someone to get your honor back, you loser!*
Subaru: *glare*
Mimiru: *to Ginkan* OOOOOOOOoooo your in TROUBLE!11111

*rest of the episode was deleted because I have a crappy fansub, meh well, I'll make stuff up*
GIFT Subaru: DYE N00B! *kills Ginkan and army*
EVERYONE: PWN3D!
Aura: *wakes up* BOOYAH! Open your Heart, babeh!
Liminality Crew:LIEK OMFG TEH DIGITEH JEABUS!
Aura: for my first miracle, I'll take this Guardian..*takes Guardian* and change it into..FUNK! *flash of light as the floor turns all rainbow dance floor, the Guardian turns into a Disco ball and everyone haws a fro as they start dancing disco style*

WEH! TEH EEND!
(not really)

[kageko]

Wooo! I didn't expect myself to be in the special chapter. xD It was fun! I like it! And you reminded me of my AI buster translation...(T.T)

Anyway, keep up the good work!^_^

[thedudewhosadude]

Wow, I really like what you did to Bear! He's old, but trying to be young....god I hate those people...they had their chance, now give it up! [/end semi-rant] Anyway, thanks for putting me in the fic *hugs .hack//Dusk Vol.3* Oh, and as for the other fic, here's a muse! *Presents clone *WHACK* stick ashes* Sometimes it comes back to its stick form. When it's a stick it gains magical powers! Good luck on the rest of your fics!

[MaifunNoodle]

uah! this one's good too~! i wish i could make things up like this...and so quickly too...thats not the true end, is it?!