*Note. This is my own personal revision of another person's story called "When I Fell Into The Game" at fanfiction.net's .hack section. When I posted it, it was eventually taken off because it was marked as an MST; however, it is anything but. For the full effect, read the original story first.*
.hack//WHEN I FELL INTO THE GAME-EX
Episode 1: The Advent of a Dragon
The temperature outside was vile in its roast. To be inside a home which wasn’t blessed with air conditioning is a similar to the torment of the first circle of Dante’s hell. Not even the darkest, proudest Africans, whose ancestors before them drank of the sun in liberal portions, would appreciate a heat of this magnitude. Yet, a young girl, Alyssa was her name, was able to ignore the heat, and even all time and existence itself. She was a case study in true immaterialism; for her, all that existed, all that mattered, all that was made of matter, was right in front of her.
Her terminal.
“How to edit...“ She began to mutter aloud to herself. “How to edit...“ She almost lost faith in the dizzying disorientation of the orange ALTIMIT OS, but she finally navigated herself as far as she needed to get to the character creation option, with which new patrons to The World created an optimal mirror of themselves, not limited to physical handicaps or grotesque appearances. “Here we go! COOL!� Finally; she was in the process of creating her character.
This character was going to have dark, almost, blackish-red hair. Her weapon at arms was going to be a staff; a Dragon’s Head Staff to be exact. The armor with which she would entrust her virtual avatar’s life to...were shin and arm guards. Interestingly enough, she had been graciously donated a hacked texture: that of an anthropomorphic dragon. The creator of this texture was gracious enough to offer accessories, including big talons which adorned pearly spikes, and a necklace, made of the same material.
“Let's see now. All I got to do is hit enter, and...� Throwing no caution to the grammatical error of having said “I got to,� she did indeed hit enter, and found herself fully immersed in the game she had waited months to finally play; she was now a part of The World.
Amusingly, she had landed into the game with a literal “thump.�
“OWCH!� She got off her bottom and brushed it off, not realizing that the dirt on it was merely digital. “I didn’t know landing would hurt.� She took a gander at the several player characters staring at her. Perhaps, they found jest in Alyssa’s literal ass-falling; or, perhaps, they were shocked by her utilization of her hacked dragon texture; or, pushing the limits of the word perhaps...quite possibly they were a band of player killers, planning on surrounding the outlandish dragon character and winning whatever glory they could derive from such an easy victory. Whatever their origin, they stuck around only for a few seconds, and once again went along their daily business.
“Hey, Alyssa!� A voice was heard, not too far yonder. The voice was familiar to her...yes, in fact, it was her best friend, Sam.
“My name ain't Alyssa in the game. Remember, it’s Zero.� Alyssa...or, Zero, further for the sake of the narrative, thought about harshly chastising her friend for a blatant, continuity breaking, out-of-character, fourth wall breaking comment such as that. But, as they were best friends, Zero decided against it. To risk losing a fiercely loyal comrade for such a superficial reason as stabilizing The World’s own canonical universe seemed petty enough as it is.
“Oh yeah.� Sam realized, with an apologetic air. “Guess I forgot. Well, anyway, come on. Gino and Matt are waiting for us.�
“Fine.� Almost as an involuntary reflex, Zero began speaking under her own breath. “How did those pathetic excuses for friends get here before I did?� Unlike Sam, Zero had no such fondness for the mentioned boys. In fact, their in-game character names almost reek of the type of immaturity you would expect from a couple of elementary school students.
“Hi Alyssa. Nice character.� Gino spoke first, under the guise of his character Sparky. While Sparky isn’t the most heroic sounding of names that a potential world-saver can have, it certainly humbles the next name.
“I just say ... this one dude ... that edited like a cat...� Matt suddenly interjected, taking gasps of air in between words (as he had been panting; perhaps he had just exercised or something). Ludicrously enough, his character’s name was “Poophead.� Poophead. For the love of the -holy mother God,- it was Poophead. Poophead, as he will now (unfortunately) be referred to as, looked up at Zero, whose illegal dragon texture was as impressive as it was enormous. “Whoa Alyss’, you got an even cooler look than she did...I think her name was ’Mia’� Poophead was clearly impressed by Zero’s appearance as a dragon; Zero was merely annoyed by Poophead’s breaking of character, but she kept her cool this time.
“Cool. Let’s go to a dungeon...unless you are scared,� Zero added with an ominous tone of voice.
“NO WAY! We ain’t scared.� Oddly enough, Poophead and Sparky had exclaimed these exact words simultaneously. Perhaps, they were psychically linked. Perhaps, they were identical twins, who have the tendency to know what words the other will say. Or, perhaps, there was some hardcore lag up in this game. All that was know was, the answer would not be revealed on this day.
“Sam, are you coming?� Zero turned her attention to her friend, hoping that she could share her first dungeon adventure experience with the person she trusted the most.
“No. I have to go eat. Bye guys..� Sam spoke quickly, but with a hint of evanescent sadness. She warped out of the game like a thief in the night. Disappointed, and perhaps defused of her enthusiasm, Zero had to reconsider taking on one of The World’s many dungeons, without a friend to rely on.
“Hey you, dragon kid, wait up.� This voice was unfamiliar to Zero; it belonged to a character whose own textures seemed as if they were hacked as well. She adopted the aesthetic of a cat. It was the Mia that Poophead had mentioned earlier.
“Yeah...� Zero responded, with hesitance.
“Hi. I’m Mia. And you are?...�
“Zero.�
“Cool. Wanna form a party with me and my friend? He is already at the dungeon.� Perhaps, Zero would have other comrades besides Sparky and Poophead if she pursued the thought of an adventure with this unusual cat player. But despite her extravagant character model, she was still a n00b.
“I dunno. I just started today.� Zero humbled herself to Mia, who, while under the guise of a mere anthropomorphic cat, still appeared as a force to be reckoned with.
“...and she already has a party us.� Sparky threw himself into the conversation, so eager to spit his words out in defense of his humble party that he forgot to add the word “with� in between “party� and “us.� Still, grammar could not defeat urgency.
“Shut up! I never said I was in anything. Sure, Mia, I will go with you.� Offended at the notion that she would share a party with Sparky and Poophead, Zero jumped at the opportunity to leave them behind; even if it did involve potentially being a burden to such an apparently elite player such as Mia. Warping away from the two had an effect similar to slapping them in the face.
“Here we are.� Mia motioned her hand in a fashion similar to that of a female game show co-host displaying a prize package; but beyond this dungeon were not only prizes, but an imminent, albeit virtual, death.
“Mia! I was worried you got lost.� An ally of Mia appeared from around a corner; it was a wavemaster, called Sucasa. Sucasa’s own story is an interesting one; the poor lad is mistaken often for another infamous wavemaster, whose own story will one day be told. But Sucasa was sick of hearing of the rumors, of that -one- character. To escape the pressures of being mistaken for -him,- he had escaped to obscure, distant dungeons. This was one of them.
“I never get lost.� Mia said with the most cynical tone of voice she could muster; Mia, get lost on her way to a dungeon? Who was Sucasa kidding?
“Who's the dragon?� He was mildly impressed by her.
“This is Zero. I told her she could come...is that ok?� Mia sounded as if she truly adored the girl. Sucasa had to wait for a moment to consider any possible repercussions that could come as a result of this.
“I guess.� Sucasa began to advance towards the dungeon, but quickly turned his back and addressed the pair once more. “But you must promise never to mention this to anyone. Got it?�
“Yes.� Zero agreed, with the hastiness of a naive do-gooder. But she was still curious after the fact. “But why?�
“...� was the only response Zero received. An insulting ellipse.
“Because if anyone of the Knights catch him...they will delete him.� Mia had stripped the words from Sucasa’s mouth. It seems that even they had mistaken this innocent, similar looking wavemaster for the infamous, nefarious, illegal player.
“Then he can start a new game,� the dragon stated matter-of-factly.
“He isn't on the computer playing. So he can’t.� Oh, no. It seems that even Mia not only believes Sucasa is the one called Tsukasa, but also the rumor that Tsukasa himself does not play the game on a computer. Sucasa shook his head in grief.
“Can we just get goin‘?� One could read the annoyance and the embarrassment on his face.
“Yeah, I think a see one of those monster things; a head.� Mia and Sucasa looked at their dragon companion, not quite embracing the words she uttered. Still, a monster’s head emerged from the veil of darkness the shadows of the dungeon created. In fact, more than one monster made its entrance. They roared, and “grred.� The party of three rushed in for the kill.
“Sucasa! This is a level 50 dungeon! You retard!� Mia said with the sharpest bitterness. Seems not even she could withstand a dungeon with level 50 characters.
“Don't worry! I can take them.� Zero shocked her comrades when she utterly decimated her opponents with a mysterious -special attack-. Perhaps, it was a fierce dragon punch. Perhaps, it was similar to Godzilla breath. Perhaps, it was a kick to the monsters’ genitals. But this unknown attack had a devastating affect. Clearly, Zero was a character, no, a natural disaster to be reckoned with.
“Wow! I never knew a noob could do that.� Mia said, one part of her being uncomfortable, the other part being totally floored by the sheer awesomeness Zero displayed.
“No big deal.� Sucasa bitterly commented. His cynicism was without limits.
“What would YOU know.“ Mia emphasized the “you� part, insinuating that his bitterness was nothing new to her. “Come on Zero let’s let's go celebrate.� She was so excited, Mia had said “let’s� twice in a row.
“Ok.� Zero tried to work under the farce of humility with such a simple response as “ok,� but underneath, she was completely shocked by her own power. As far as she was concerned...she was as good as God. Soon, the message boards will dedicate threads in her honor; one day, the name Zero would be praised in the heavens!!! Now was the time for her to act...her great ambition would not be sedated.
“Mia, Zero... I was just...� Too late. Mia and Zero had warped away from the dungeon. “...joking.�
“I can’t believe Zero ditched us.� Poophead restated the obvious to his friend. This was the 4th time he had done so; the shock got to him. Why would Zero, no, Alyssa, just flat out leave him and Gino? As far as Poophead was concerned, they were the best life had to offer that ungrateful girl.
“She does that a lot to us.� Sparky said, sounding hurt, and with a sigh. Sparky’s sigh, however, quickly gave way to jovial celebration from afar. The two perked their heads; what was going on?
“What’s goin’ on?! There is a celebration!� Poophead shouted, despite Sparky being close to him.
“I wonder... who it’s for...?� Sparky motioned.
“Let’s go find out!� Poophead advanced towards the celebration in big, giant, quasi-leaps. His curiosity was an untamable one. The boys stopped, taking the time to read a giant banner, which waved into the burning, orange sky with the free spirit of a bird.
“...It says WAT TO GO ZERO!...� Sparky’s mouth dropped to the floor. Perhaps, it was because the word “WAY� was misspelled so blatantly. Perhaps, it was because of the mention of his comme ci comma ca friend’s name. Or perhaps...it was because of what soon followed those words.
“FOR COMPLETEING A LEVEL 50 DUNGEON!“ Poophead completed the statement on the banner, and, even more surprised by the news than Sparky, fainted.
I’ll be “transforming� the next chapter soon. So, I’ll just leave you with zero’s original closing words, which were magical indeed:
TO BE CONTINUED.
***
.hack TM and © 2001-2003 BANDAI
Original story and characters © 2003 zero
Episode 2: Nothing but a Poop Monkey
The celebration was a feast to be remembered for ages. There was a giant virtual table, lined to the brim with many virtual foods, including many virtual roasts, and several virtual barbeques. In fact, one person on the celebration committee tried to upload a model of a bucket of Church’s Chicken to put on the table to display the raw eclecticism of this massive, gala of a meal, to no avail. Nevertheless, the glory of the dragon player Zero was a massive one, and many a player and NPC came by to celebrate. That particular street was going to be at its most crowded state the port city had ever seen. Cheers bellowed under the guzzle of virtual wine, minstrels praising the bodies of beautiful women, and young, attractive, female wavemasters provided a merry, angelic song.
The people were happy.
“WAY TO GO, ZERO!� The people proclaimed, exemplifying the strength of their champion, the dragon player Zero.
“Thanks, but I only won because of my special attack.� Zero still tried to play with the pretense of humility; the crowd found it humorous, and bellowed into even more laughter. Mia put her paw on Zero’s shoulder, though to do it, she had to climb onto a chair before she could even reach the gargantuan giant of a dragon’s waist.
‘So? None of us has it as powerful. You should be proud of yourself.� Mia struggled to pat her back.
“I guess I should be a little happy.“ Zero put her head down, experiencing remorse for her internal arrogance. “But right now I have to go find my friends.� Upon hearing those words, Mia jumped off of her chair and pleaded to Zero at the comfort of their own table.
“Don’t go! They aren’t your friends! We are!� Mia sounded forceful, and demanding. Perhaps the raw power of the dragon was not enough to discourage such badgering commands. Zero sighed.
“I will be right back.� Zero quietly walked away from her own party, with its guests being too preoccupied by their own drunken stupors to care. With her sharp, cat eyes, Mia watched the dragon’s backside with the intent of a sniper. Eventually, Zero faded into the darkness of a city at night, and caught up with the people she wouldn’t admit to looking for. But, the same could not be said of Sparky and Poophead.
“Hey, look,� Sparky called Poophead. “...here comes the ditcher.�
“Hi guys, what have tou been up to?� It seems that in her anxiousness to talk to her non-drunken friends, she had slipped up, replacing the word “you� with a similar sounding “to.� But proverbial slip-ups were no new flaw to Zero.
“Nothing. Can’t go in a dungeon. Might end up in a high rank level,� Poophead said with his most jarringly bitter voice (though, even then, such cynicism was unnatural for the boy, so he sounded forced. It was almost hilarious too. You should have heard it).
“Oops. We forgot YOU could though.� Sparky spat virtual saliva onto the ground.
“Guys, I’m sorry, but... she accualy treats me like a friend... and if you can’t except it then are friendship is over.� To be a picky reader, one would notice her uses of a non-existent word which sounds like “ac-u-uly.� But Sparky and Poophead were not picky players, and they didn’t quite care for her use of the word “accualy,� though they did not quite care for anything else she had to say in the first place. Zero stormed off in frustration, but was startled when her friend Sam made a round-about warp in the direction she ran.
“Hi Zero!� Sam smiled; but, Zero merely glanced at her with the anger of a militant civil rights activist.
“What do you want?!�
“You don’t have to be mean. Why are you mad?� Sam should be commended for her own infinite patience; not many people, much less players in The World, could be said of the same manner. Meanwhile, Zero reassessed her situation. She was literally biting her lip, trying to find an answer; why was she upset? Clearly, she had just made the upset of a lifetime by completely flooring a Level 50 dungeon. What could possibly have flustered Zero so much? It was time...it was time for a deeper look into her psyche. It was time to find the answer, the meaning...why, why do we continue to live? Why does life exist? It is nothing but trouble. Zero decided to express these jumbled, confused feelings to her friend.
“Go ask the poop monkeys,� Zero said, which was the crux of her deep, spiritual realization.
“Come on Zero! They are lighting fire works!� Mia appeared, literally out of the darkness, to snatch Zero away from her troubles. Before leaving, Zero took a quick look at Sparky and Poophead, holding nothing but the fiercest disdain for them.
“Coming.� Zero followed Mia, but was surprised when she suddenly turned around.
“I have to warp out now. I will see you tomorrow, Zero! Bye!� She warped away, out of the game, and out of Zero’s life.
“Well, now I have nothin’ to do.� Zero decided to wander away; she did not want to return to either her celebration or her friends. It was time for some soul searching. It was time for some fighting.
It was merely an hour later. The wavemaster Sucasa appeared, hovering above Zero’s nearly comatose body.
“Zero! Zero! Wake up!� Sucasa began shaking Zero, trying to find any sign of life within her scaly body.
“Where am I?� were the only words the disoriented Zero could utter.
“In the Forest of Doom and Gloom.�
“Ok. And why am I so beat up? It feels like my arm is broken.� Oddly enough, Zero could feel her pain.
“The poison raptors probably saw you as a threat and attacked you,� Sucasa said with the tactness of a physician.
“I don't remember. Where’s Mia?� She began to stand on her feet. Sucasa got up, and raised his hand over his eyes.
“Waiting in THE WORLD.� Sucasa ominously rumbled.
“Ok, I’m going to warp out and check my mail.� She warped out of the game, leaving Sucasa to merely admire how the grass settles itself after the light breeze a warped player produces.
“Bye.�
Sender: Mia
Subject: Zero, I am so worried. Are you ok? Please mail me back.
Sender: Zero
Subject: im ok just a little bruised,if it hadn't been for sucasa i would be dead.
Sender: Mia
Subject: Meet me in The World at Flaming Sunken Sun and we can catch up on times.
Now, it’s merely time to wait for zero’s next brilliant chapter. In her famous closing words...
to be continude...
***
.hack TM and © 2001-2003 BANDAI
Original story and characters © 2003 zero
.hack//WHEN I FELL INTO THE GAME-EX
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