So yeah. I thought I'd do a little fanfic thinger, because I'm super duper bored. Also help me come up with a name rofl, I can't.
Chapter 1
He walked around on the field, snow falling down all around him. He was new to this game, and the graphics of the game almost startled him. "Wow," He whispered under his breath "this is so.....awesome.."
He wondered around a bit, taking in all of the wonderful images around him. He grabbed some grunty food on his way to the dungeon. He walked up to a huge Castle, or at least that's what it looked like to him. He walked in, and looked at his map. "What? I can't see the rooms," he said aloud "Eh, oh well I'm going to go ahead anyway."
He went into the next room, it was a long hallway. In the middle of this hallway he saw a yellow sort of.....circle, some might call it. Wondering what it was, he inched farther and farther into the room, closer to the circle, until it started to blink a little, and dots started flying around it. He heard a "Woosh" kind of sound, and saw something appear in the middle.
Immediately he thought of something his friend was talking to him about in school earlier that day. "Is this a monster that he was talking about?" it started to run towards him. He didn't hesitate to raise his staff and cast a spell upon the monster. "Dek Don!" he yelled as a green blast of air came rushing out of his staff at the monster, destroying it instantly. "Phew," he sighed "My first monster." He realized that it was only a small goblin, and that it was nothing compared to the story that his friend told him about "killing level 67 monsters and how fun it is"...
More later~
Please, feel free to show some criticism, and please please please tell me some monster, item & spell names, rofl. I might continue if you guys like it ^^;
>Unnamed fic O.o<
Moderators: Sora, Balmung, Bear, Kite
Dude, you so could have just done the same thing in the one I just took over. This, I take as an insult to my integrity, and abillity to run this fanfic.
Youshould have stayed in my fanfic, now the war is on!!!! Battle for the best fanfic ME or him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Youshould have stayed in my fanfic, now the war is on!!!! Battle for the best fanfic ME or him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Life is to short to be unhappy. You gotta live while you can.
Chapter 2
He wandered into the next few rooms, nothing much there but a few chests, containing a few things he needed, Health Drinks, Mages souls, Antidotes, he actually got a fairy's orb. "What's this?," he asked. "I guess I'll use it and find out." He used the item and read "Fairies are exploring the map." as it appeared across his screen. "Ah," he said "So that's how you view the map."
He scanned his mind for any thoughts of if his friend had told him about them. Nope. He noticed that the dungeon is only one floor, and there are only three rooms left, one of them had a battle in it, or it could be a chest, he argued this in his mind for a few seconds, and proceeded into one of the rooms that didn't have the battle in it.
He entered the room, which was filled with eggs. Big, small, every size was in the room, but something very strange was in the room. It looked like a bunch of 3-D blocks put together, and it was floating in the room. He walked in and up the the object. The name of the object was "Virus Crystal."
He pressed the Action button on his controller, and it said "Got Item: Virus Core A" He thought about it for a second and figured it was just part of the game. He walked further and started breaking the eggs with the end of his staff. He got a few more items, mainly Health Drinks, Antidotes, the usual. He left the room, and thought "Just two more." The other room without the battle was after the room with the battle. So he walked towards the room with the battle, and he stood before the door, made sure he had all of his HP and MP replenished, had all of his items in spots where he knew exactly where they were, and proceeded into the room.
He walked in, but he didn't see any sort of portal, monster OR chest anywhere. He walked in slowly, until he started to see something red blinking. He soon realized that it was another Player Character with a low life. He ran farther and farther until he saw the other character's name and Class, Wavemaster and Midnight was the name. He saw a monster swinging at Midnight with its blades. He rushed over and started to cast Repth on Midnight, although it did very little to the his HP. 150 tops.
The monster picked the character up with between its blades and flung him against the opposite wall. "Uhhhhff." Midnight said. He used a Artisans soul on himself and began to use some sort of summon spell. It destroyed the monster, and Midnight walked over the the newbie character as he stood dumbfounded at what had just happened. "So...Twilight, is it?" Midnight asked. "Helloo..?" He snapped his finger in front of Twilight's face...
Questions? Comments? How's my driving? Posttt. And nuu, don't even think about editing it, I don't need another English teacher, one is enough, kthnx. :p
He wandered into the next few rooms, nothing much there but a few chests, containing a few things he needed, Health Drinks, Mages souls, Antidotes, he actually got a fairy's orb. "What's this?," he asked. "I guess I'll use it and find out." He used the item and read "Fairies are exploring the map." as it appeared across his screen. "Ah," he said "So that's how you view the map."
He scanned his mind for any thoughts of if his friend had told him about them. Nope. He noticed that the dungeon is only one floor, and there are only three rooms left, one of them had a battle in it, or it could be a chest, he argued this in his mind for a few seconds, and proceeded into one of the rooms that didn't have the battle in it.
He entered the room, which was filled with eggs. Big, small, every size was in the room, but something very strange was in the room. It looked like a bunch of 3-D blocks put together, and it was floating in the room. He walked in and up the the object. The name of the object was "Virus Crystal."
He pressed the Action button on his controller, and it said "Got Item: Virus Core A" He thought about it for a second and figured it was just part of the game. He walked further and started breaking the eggs with the end of his staff. He got a few more items, mainly Health Drinks, Antidotes, the usual. He left the room, and thought "Just two more." The other room without the battle was after the room with the battle. So he walked towards the room with the battle, and he stood before the door, made sure he had all of his HP and MP replenished, had all of his items in spots where he knew exactly where they were, and proceeded into the room.
He walked in, but he didn't see any sort of portal, monster OR chest anywhere. He walked in slowly, until he started to see something red blinking. He soon realized that it was another Player Character with a low life. He ran farther and farther until he saw the other character's name and Class, Wavemaster and Midnight was the name. He saw a monster swinging at Midnight with its blades. He rushed over and started to cast Repth on Midnight, although it did very little to the his HP. 150 tops.
The monster picked the character up with between its blades and flung him against the opposite wall. "Uhhhhff." Midnight said. He used a Artisans soul on himself and began to use some sort of summon spell. It destroyed the monster, and Midnight walked over the the newbie character as he stood dumbfounded at what had just happened. "So...Twilight, is it?" Midnight asked. "Helloo..?" He snapped his finger in front of Twilight's face...
Questions? Comments? How's my driving? Posttt. And nuu, don't even think about editing it, I don't need another English teacher, one is enough, kthnx. :p
You asked for opinions, how're you suposed to improve your skills as a writer if you don't take the advice and learn from it?apostle13 wrote:Questions? Comments? How's my driving? Posttt. And nuu, don't even think about editing it, I don't need another English teacher, one is enough, kthnx. :p
If you don't want a beta for your...ah...fanfic, the only thing I can do for you is declare my sympathy.
Nn, before this er... continues on...
nuuish is kinda right. You asked for critisism. And that's what s/he (?? o.o; ) is giving you. Doesn't matter if you're trying to be perfect or not, but it's always best to improve.
And if that means pointing out the mistakes, then so be it.
Carry on. (Hope I'm not mini-moding here. *hides*)
nuuish is kinda right. You asked for critisism. And that's what s/he (?? o.o; ) is giving you. Doesn't matter if you're trying to be perfect or not, but it's always best to improve.
And if that means pointing out the mistakes, then so be it.
Carry on. (Hope I'm not mini-moding here. *hides*)
y0
Well, you asked for it! Here's what I think.. *Inhale*
It's decent and readable. I look forward to the rest of your fic, Elky! <3
(Nice choice of names, I remember you had trouble with that, Coulda' used the Japanese word for Midnight though ^^. Also, did you ever name the fic? I have a few more suggestions for the title if you are interested!)
By the way, Duskino, Nuu is a female :D (As am I! ^^)
Meow~.
It's decent and readable. I look forward to the rest of your fic, Elky! <3
(Nice choice of names, I remember you had trouble with that, Coulda' used the Japanese word for Midnight though ^^. Also, did you ever name the fic? I have a few more suggestions for the title if you are interested!)
By the way, Duskino, Nuu is a female :D (As am I! ^^)
Meow~.
meow~
Sorry, I will refrain from calling you that ^^;.
Anyways, if you can't make it yaoi then.. Instead of my much liked title of Digital Fusion, you could try uhm, Makurayami? It means "Total Darkness". I can think of more if you like; I bet Nuu might have some good ideas too, ne? ^^.
Anyways, if you can't make it yaoi then.. Instead of my much liked title of Digital Fusion, you could try uhm, Makurayami? It means "Total Darkness". I can think of more if you like; I bet Nuu might have some good ideas too, ne? ^^.
(''\(O_O)/'')
Rofl, nice panda xD;. *Sends Elk a really nice letter asking him to respond, rather than mauling him* ^^
Well, due to the strictness of the forum (which is fine), if you were to make it yaoi then I suggest it not go as far as to be like.. anal or oral. That really isn't meant for a public forum. Maybe you could write the 'mild' version here and put the 'graphic version' on ff.net or aff.net and post the link? Of course, that all depends on the moderators' decision. ^^
*Likes to think she is the smart one.*
Well, due to the strictness of the forum (which is fine), if you were to make it yaoi then I suggest it not go as far as to be like.. anal or oral. That really isn't meant for a public forum. Maybe you could write the 'mild' version here and put the 'graphic version' on ff.net or aff.net and post the link? Of course, that all depends on the moderators' decision. ^^
*Likes to think she is the smart one.*